Episode 119

(Grand Cayman, October 12, 2019)

The video was grainy at best, and there was no soundtrack. A woman in unremarkable apparel stepped into view and waved at the camera. She didn’t seem hurried, and it was unclear how she had gotten this far without causing a commotion. She shut the entry gate behind her, turned the deadbolt, and approached the vault door. Then she ground her body against it in a way that seemed comically perverse. Within a few seconds, the gate behind her popped open. She pulled it shut and repeated the ritual. The same thing happened. After the third round, she turned to talk to someone off-camera, put her hands in the air, and passed through the gate and out of sight. A few moments later, she returned through the gate, holding three pairs of handcuffs.

She secured the gate shut with all three handcuffs after locking it again. Little puffs appeared on her clothes, and something knocked her hair back a few times. She turned and approached the vault door and repeated her obscene little ritual once more. This time, the gate behind her remained closed. After a few seconds, the vault door appeared to unlock itself. She swung it open, walked inside, and pulled it shut.

“I’m not sure why you’re showing us this,” Victor declared. “Do you really need our help with some idiot who got herself trapped in a bank vault?”

The Colonel looked at him. “You know exactly why you’re seeing this.”

“Why do you care about a random bank robbery?”

“We don’t, per se,” the Colonel replied. “It is quite convenient for us that she chose this particular facility, though. It’s not a bank. It’s an armory.”

“I thought the whole point of an armory is to serve as a vault. What do you need to keep in a special vault of its own?”

“Oh, a little of this and that.”

“Terrorist?” Wen asked, finally chiming in.

The Colonel shook his head. “Doubtful. She probably intended to sell whatever she stole. Maybe she thought it was a bank. Who knows? The important question isn’t why she did it, but how.”

“She must have had an escape plan,” Wen replied. “Why did she lock herself in there?”

“How the hell should I know? Maybe she wanted some peace and quiet. We don’t care what went on in that tiny little head of hers. We only care about how she did it.”

Victor shrugged. “I assume you have her in custody. Why don’t you just ask her?”

The Colonel laughed. “Do you have any idea how much one of those doors costs? Nobody was going to make the call to cut it open. The guards decided to just wait her out. They figured she’d run out of air and emerge of her own accord. Unfortunately, it turns out that this particular door doesn’t open from the inside.”

“That sounds like a hazard,” Wen pointed out.

“Complain to the damned manufacturer. Maybe having a safety release was so obvious that nobody bothered to explicitly mention it in the 200 page spec for the thing. Good luck finding a contractor who will do anything but the bare minimum.”

“So they found her dead?” Wen asked.

“Then why do we give a crap?” Victor groused. “There’s some mundane explanation for the whole thing, and it’s moot at this point.”

The Colonel smiled. “According to the vault’s security camera, she’s still alive and well.”

“That’s why you want our help?” Victor waved his hand dismissively. “The vault probably just has a leak.” He grinned. “Did they explicitly mention ‘airtight’ in the spec? Give it a few days and she’ll die of thirst.”

“Don’t play stupid,” the Colonel snapped. “Those visual artifacts were bullets hitting her.”

“You think she’s one of us?” Wen asked.

“Do you recognize her?”

Victor shook his head. “It’s hard to make out the face too clearly, but it doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Me neither,” Wen added.

The Colonel sighed. “No, huh?”

“Why do you care who she is?” Victor replied. “I assume you just want her to join our merry little squad? Just do the usual.”

The Colonel produced a pack of cigarettes, removed one, and tapped it on the table. “We’ll certainly get to that, but I’d like to know as much as I can going in. How we approach her recruitment depends on which levers are most likely to work. The more I know, the better off we’ll all be”.

Victor sank back in his chair. “I don’t see how I’ll be better off.”

“She may not be a quality addition to our team,” Wen offered.

“You’re here, so quality isn’t high on their list,” Victor snapped.

“Save your lover’s quarrel for another time,” the Colonel admonished. “As for how it benefits you: you’ll be working with her. Isn’t it better to know as much as you can?”

“I’d rather know as little as possible about the morons I work with.”

“That’s not very congenial,” Wen replied.

“You still haven’t explained exactly what you want us to tell you,” Victor said. “We don’t recognize her. What else is there to know? You’ve already concluded that she’s one of us.”

“Have I? She isn’t harmed by bullets and doesn’t need air. That means she’s probably like you.”

“How flattering,” Victor grumbled.

“It’s just a fact. I doubt she’s what you call a Two. My question is whether you think she’s a Four?”

“That seems likely,” Wen replied. “What else could she be?”

“That’s what I’m trying to ascertain.”

“I don’t know,” Victor replied with an impatient snort. “Just try a bunch of stuff on her. You’ll find out quickly enough.”

“That’s both crude and counterproductive. Starting her out as a lab rat may be the wrong lever to pull. We don’t want to start our relationship on the wrong footing. And, if we’re unlucky, we could end up destroying her. That would be a waste.”

“Doesn’t seem like it would,” Victor grumbled.

“I still don’t understand what all the fuss is about,” Wen announced.

The Colonel looked at him and sighed. “Could either of you have opened that vault door?”

Victor laughed. “What, you think it’s magic? Someone probably just hacked it for her.”

“It wasn’t hacked,” the Colonel growled.

“Maybe he could do something like that?” Wen ventured.

Victor rounded on him. “Does that look like a he to you? I know you don’t get out much, but what the hell is wrong with you?” He turned to the Colonel. “You know what? I’ve changed my mind about her. Can I trade him for this woman?”

The Colonel grinned. “You’ll get the best of both worlds: Wen and her.” He grew serious. “You think that’s a protection?”

Victor shrugged. “I doubt it. They don’t really work like that. How does unlocking a vault ‘protect’ her from anything?”

“I’m just gathering data,” the Colonel replied, tapping his unlit cigarette pensively. “It doesn’t make sense to me either.”

“I think we should be careful,” Wen declared.

Victor looked around for a few moments before replying. “Unfortunately, I think we actually agree on something.”

“You’re afraid of this, this … woman?” the Colonel asked with barely masked contempt.

“As if you aren’t,” Victor snapped. “You’re down here begging for information because you’re worried. Grow a damned pair.”

“You know we don’t shy from combat, sir,” Wen began before Victor cut him off.

“While you sit behind a desk whacking off and shaving your head, we’re out there saving your troops from being massacred. So stow the attitude and show some goddamned gratitude, asshole.”

“I’m going to show my gratitude by ignoring that. However, I feel this may be a good time to remind you why you’re here.”

“To bail your ass out,” Victor retorted because Wen could intervene.

“You didn’t sign up from patriotism or to fight the good fight. You’re here because we have a big leash around your little dicks. You’re laughing at how stupid this woman is, but each and every one of you got caught just as easily.”

Victor contemplated the ceiling. “Do you know an interesting fact? There are several thousand colonels in the U.S. military, and most are just as good at whacking off and shaving their heads. If I kill you right now, what do you think will happen to me?” He grinned at the Colonel. “You’re expendable. I’m not.”

The Colonel leaned back. “We’re all expendable. Have you forgotten what we did to Randall? He thought he was irreplaceable too.”

This drew only a cold look from Victor, but Wen visibly shuddered. The Colonel smiled. “You don’t have to like me. Believe it or not, I’m just doing my job. That’s all it is: a job. But it’s an incredibly important one.”

Victor laughed. “That’s what everyone thinks about their tiny insignificant corner of existence. There’s never been a cause like theirs. The fate of the world hangs in the balance. Theirs is the epic struggle of all epic struggles. I’ve got news for you, pal. It’s all the same. In a hundred years — if you’re very very lucky — your grand conflict will be something bored kids are forced to read about in a history book.”

The Colonel shrugged. “Perhaps, but does it really matter? I won’t be around then. For me, this is the world I know. And for you, well, it’s not such a bad deal, is it? You get treated like heroes, you get to mouth off to your superiors, you get to cut loose from time to time, and heck, you get to save lives and do good along the way — even if you don’t really care about that.”

“I care,” Wen replied.

“Who cares?” Victor shot back.

“Frankly, I’m surprised you don’t hate us for what we did to Randall,” the Colonel mused after a few moments. “We killed one of you. Personally, I’d hold a grudge.”

“That’s because you’re an incontinent toddler,” Victor replied.

“There is no ‘us’,” Wen explained. “Aside from a few personal friendships, we don’t have any sort of group identity that would lend itself to that. Most of us do know one another, because it would be hard not to when we’ve lived so long. But that’s the extent of it.”

“I see,” the Colonel replied. “You’ve said as much before, but I still don’t buy it. There’s a limited number of you, so the loss of any one must be strongly felt.” He smiled. “Maybe if there are fewer of you it makes the survivors feel more special. Even so, it must rankle that mere humans can harm your kind. I don’t think I’d be able to put up with that sort of thing.”

Victor laughed. “That just reveals how far beneath us you are. Not only can’t you think like us, you can’t even comprehend that fact. We’re from a very different world and have lived far longer than you possibly could. That’s also why your threats are so pathetic. You probably think you’re a badass, but you have no idea how far short you fall. Despite all your imagined worldliness, I doubt you’ve ever met someone truly dangerous. We all have. Many times. You simply can’t conceive of real evil, much less had it directed at you — or crushed it beneath your heal. We are beyond you.”

“Yet here we are, all in the same place.”

“Briefly.”

“How old are you?” the Colonel asked conversationally. “I’ve always wondered that.”

Victor smiled “Why, do you need your diapers changed?”

“You say that every time. You should come up with a new answer.”

“You should come up with a new question.”

Wen gave an enigmatic smile. “Does it matter? Time flies, and it doesn’t matter where or when you live.”

“I suppose so,” the Colonel replied, once again contemplating his cigarette. “You know, these things will kill me. But they won’t harm you. If I were you, I’d indulge in all the vices.”

“They cease to be worth indulging if you can do so without consequence,” Wen pointed out.

“And they taste like shit,” Victor added.

The Colonel shrugged as he returned the cigarette to its box. “So, she’s different. Maybe. Think you can take her?”

Victor thought for a few moments. “Possibly the two of us. If she stays in there.”

“We’ve got her locked behind eighteen inches of steel.”

“That didn’t stop her from getting in,” Victor replied. “I give it fifty-fifty.”

“She may not be up for a fight once she sees what we are,” Wen suggested. “For all we know, she’s as unaware of us as we are of her.”

“Or she’s the one who has been hunting you,” the Colonel countered, watching Victor and Wen’s faces closely. “It could be a trap.”

Victor shook his head. “We remember her quite well, and it isn’t the same woman. It’s possible she’s an accomplice, but I doubt it. The one who killed Matt was alone.”

“I think she’s more likely to attack us when we’re on a mission than to walk into a military facility and announce her presence,” Wen said. “She can’t be sure what she would encounter in such a place.”

The Colonel stood. “Understood. Wait here. I’m going to call for orders. This has to come from the top.”

When they were alone, Victor looked at Wen. “She’s definitely one of us.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“It was her behavior with the gate. She probably has some way to avoid being confined. She had to keep trying until it worked the way she wanted. It isn’t always a matter of the easiest way out. The arrival of the guards may have helped.”

Wen looked surprised. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

“Why would you have?”

“Why would you have?” Wen countered.

“I used to spend a lot of time with an Eight. He had something like that, and it never turned out the way he wanted.”

“You never told me about that.”

“Why the hell would I?” Victor scoffed. “What do you think, that we’re friends?”

“Something like that.”

“Did you ever tell me that you were a trust fund kid who tricked his family and bought immortality for himself instead of his dad?”

Wen’s face turned ashen. “How the hell…”

“I knew your family. And before you ask, you didn’t know me. That’s the way this works, asshole. I know what you are, and a million years won’t change that.”

“Yeah, well I’ll bet you’re no saint either,” Wen shot back. “What did you do, whore yourself out?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Okay, big shot, since you know everything, you must know what we should do. You think they’ll send us?”

Victor snorted. “Oh, they’ll definitely send us. We’re expendable.”

“Expendable? We’re invulnerable. How much less expendable can you be? And what makes you so cocksure about everything?”

“Hey, you asked.”

“I’ll bet you’re completely full of crap,” Wen replied, now quite worked up. “You probably were some shit-shoveler who wormed his way into her favor.”

Victor laughed. “That’s an apt description. I certainly shoveled plenty of shit at her request.”

“See, then …”

“I was a General. Second in command, actually.”

Wen stared at Victor. “I thought you weren’t going to tell me anything.”

“Why not? It doesn’t make any difference now, except to place into stark contrast our respective backgrounds, characters, and social standings.”

“You were the Master of the Horn?” Wen asked in disbelief.

“That title always annoyed the hell out of me. It made me sound like a bugle boy.”

“Bullshit. You’d be more than a Four.”

“She only made Fours back then.” It was a lie, but Victor needed to shut Wen up. He had been shortchanged, and this had rankled for thousands of years. As an Eight, he wouldn’t have had to do what anybody said.

“No, we’re expendable,” Victor repeated after a long silence. “Just for a higher price than most others. And this… well, this could be worth quite a bit.”

Wen raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“She’s an Eight. Probably.”

“How…”, Wen began.

“If she had only four protections, there would be no room for something like the gimmick we saw. Besides, no Four would walk into a room like that and simply wait to be captured. She either wants to be recruited or she wants to kill us.”

“You think it’s her?” Wen asked.

“It’s a possibility.”

“But she looks nothing like the woman who attacked us.”

Victor shrugged. “We had plenty of sand in our eyes at the time. Are you confident in your memory? Besides, she could have been wearing a disguise.”

Wen seemed genuinely scared. “What should we do?”

Victor mocked him with his whole body. “What should we do? Ooh, ooh, what should we do? Gee, I don’t know — why don’t you call daddy? Oh, right, you killed him.”

He turned from Wen in disgust. “We do what we always do. We do as we’re told.”