“Why suddenly so thoughtful?” Sree chided, taking his arm as they walked up the flight of stairs. Daryl dared not tell her the real reason. He had been down that road with her before.
About halfway through their search, Sree had identified a candidate — incorrect as it happened — for Rin’s birthplace. Assuming he had enough to go on, Daryl decided to pursue Rin on his own. This was naively premature, as their subsequent journey proved.
Sree was not yet living with Daryl, which made the betrayal much easier. Of course, it wasn’t really a betrayal, since Daryl did it for her own good. This grew no less unconvincing each time he told it to himself.
Daryl crept out of his room late that night and disappeared without a trace. Or so he thought. To his dismay, Sree turned up a week later. Apparently, she had anticipated such a move and was watching him all along. He suspected she could have tagged him right out of the door but waited a week to spare his ego.
After his failed escapade, Daryl had expected a certain coldness from Sree. If she let him live. Though she didn’t behave like Rin, Daryl couldn’t forget the bartender. When confronted, she hadn’t even pretended. Which, he supposed, was a good thing considering the alternative. He still recalled her bewildering self-assurance.
“What did you do to him?” Daryl had demanded when they returned to his place from the bar.
Sree replied with a disarming smile and an air of innocent offense. “Whatever do you mean?”
“Did you hurt him? Kill him?”
“Of course. I hurt him, then I killed him. It wouldn’t make much sense to do it the other way, I think. Would you like the details?” Her voice was bubbly with enthusiasm.
Daryl was horrified. She seemed so innocent, but he remembered Rin’s words. For the first time he realized that within this pretty young woman was an ancient being, born in another time and utterly alien to him. Were they all serial killers, he wondered. When Sree actually replied, he realized he had voiced his thoughts aloud.
“What does that even mean? Sociopath, psychopath, this and that, here and there. These are just words in your language bandied about by children who wish to make sense of their world but fail to understand that they never will.”
Daryl stared at her, transfixed. Her words were perversely incongruous with the charming girl who spoke them. He hadn’t heard Sree talk this way before. But he had heard Rin do so. It was as if they lapsed into an older and more formal mode of speech. Daryl wondered what he sounded like to Sree. No doubt, his inarticulate bleating grated on her ears. Daryl silently thanked her for being so gracious, even as his lips condemned her.
“Murder is murder. He did nothing to deserve that.”
Infuriatingly, Sree laughed again. “Is it? Murder is a name for an act when one wishes to attach opprobrium. That same physical act is called many other things for other purposes. The same is true of sex. It variously is adultery and lovemaking and fornication and matrimonial duty and prostitution and procreation. It all depends who is speaking of it and to what end.”
“Sex creates life, murder destroys it.” Daryl couldn’t believe he was debating this with her, or that he had to. Weren’t such things obvious?
“The two are strongly connected. Without death one could not have birth. The world would fill, and there would be no room for new and innocent life.”
“That’s easy to say when you can’t die,” Daryl snapped.
Sree suddenly grew somber. “You do not know how far from the truth that is.”
They hadn’t spoken of the matter again, and Daryl simply accepted that Sree would do the things Sree did for the reasons Sree did them. Just like Rin. Fortunately, that was the last time the things Sree did included killing. At least until his departure and to his knowledge.
When she caught him, Daryl wasn’t sure whether this was about to change. To his surprise, she was not angry or sad or even critical. She simply sat him at the table like a child so they could talk about it. At first, he could not understand the point of this. Was it an interrogation? It was clear that she knew what he was thinking better than he did. What more could he tell her?
“Now, explain to me why you left,” Sree began. Her tone was not accusatory, and Daryl was grateful she had not used the word “abandoned.” It was the word he would have used.
He said nothing, and she continued to look at him through expectant eyes until he could bear it no longer.
“Do what you want, dammit. I won’t lead you to your death,” he barked. It came out louder than intended, and Daryl was ashamed.
“So … nobility moved you? A misguided sense of chivalry?” It was a simple question, but there was a slight iciness in Sree’s tone. Was that sarcasm?
Daryl shook his head. “No, it wasn’t that selfless. I just did not want to be responsible for your death.”
Sree studied him. “How could you be responsible for my death? You cannot kill me. You have not tricked me. I chose my path, and you need not worry about me.”
She rose and, for a moment, Daryl felt his stomach sink. Had there been a note of finality in her voice? Would she leave him? He was struck by the absurdity of such a fear in light of his own actions.
Instead of storming out, Sree walked over and wrapped her arms around Daryl from behind. He cringed, and she tentatively drew back before laughing and embracing him again. Daryl realized he had grown too accustomed to the violence and drama surrounding Rin. This time he relaxed and welcomed Sree’s arms.
Squeezing her cheek against him, she appeared on the verge of tears. “It means a lot that you tried.” After gently kissing the top of Daryl’s head, she returned to her chair.
“I like misguided chivalry. But you needn’t worry. Rin wishes me no harm. You can ease your conscience on that account.”
After that, Daryl had refrained from revisiting the subject. He felt it would be disrespectful to Sree to belabor the point. He also harbored more than a little guilt regarding his behavior and wasn’t keen on dredging up that episode. However, he swore to himself that if he could not dissuade Sree he certainly would not abandon her.
Now he was about to do just that. But this was different from his earlier ill-considered attempt. It would not be abandonment or betrayal. In fact, it was the opposite of betrayal. He was not trying to keep Sree from leaping. He just was trying to negotiate a soft landing.
Daryl noticed that Sree was staring at him, apparently waiting for a response. He scratched his head in embarrassment. “Oh, sorry, I guess I zoned out.”
“Yes, you are very thoughtful,” Sree repeated.
Daryl scrambled for a plausible excuse. “I guess it’s the anxiety any soldier feels as they approach battle.” He hoped it was vague enough to serve.
“Are you sure you don’t mean cowardice?” This was uncharacteristically harsh of Sree, and Daryl stared at her in surprise.
She turned her head away. “I’m sorry, that was rude. I know you are not a coward. I just am upset that you seem happy we failed.”
Daryl breathed a sigh of relief. So that was why she was moody.
“We didn’t fail,” he clarified. “We’ll look more closely tomorrow. It was foolish to try at night. What if Rin spotted us first?”
Sree shrugged. “We’ve been over that. She probably has been aware of us since we arrived. Rin will do things in her own good time. She will lead us to her when she decides to. Hopefully, we have come far enough to satisfy the demands of her silly game.”
Daryl wasn’t in the mood for an argument. He had to plan his little outing. “Well, then we have nothing to worry about. Tomorrow, we will return. For now, let’s rest. If Rin is here, she still will be here tomorrow.”
As they opened the door to the flat, Sree sighed. “Yeah, and I need a bath.” Looking at Daryl, she smiled. “Sorry, you cannot join me. You’re already …” The word froze in her mouth and she stared at him with an odd expression.
Daryl shouted her name and shook her, but Sree did not move. She was not heavy, but utterly rigid, a statue.
“Stop your blubbering,” a voice grumbled from the shadows.
I hope that grumbling is from Rin. I think I've missed her. Almost. :p