[Author’s Note: We've returned to Daryl and Karkov, right after the events of episode 67.]
Daryl eyed him with such obvious skepticism that Karkov couldn’t help but laugh.
“Do you know the most dangerous form of understanding? A little understanding. I’m going to lessen your danger by increasing your understanding.”
“Let us take as a premise what I told you, and what you purport to believe though you really do not: that Rin is going to kill you.” He forestalled any objection with a wave of his hand, and Daryl remained silent.
“No matter how complex things seem, everything can be reduced to a sequence of simple binary choices. And despite appearances, only one of those usually matters. In your case, that choice is obvious.”
Karkov took a last, languorous draw of his cigarette before discarding the stub.
“Choice one: you return to Rin and carry on as before. I assume it’s been at most two or three weeks, in which case you’ll still recognize her. Even if not, I’ve had her followed and can direct you to her. You can say what you want, and she’ll probably believe you.”
He examined Daryl for a moment. “But it won’t matter. Some day she’ll kill you. She’ll decide you are too close or too clingy or she is bored of you or she just feels like it. If you piss her off she may do worse, but I doubt it.”
Karkov lit another cigarette and briefly contemplated it before taking a puff.
“I can offer no guidance on when she’ll kill you. It may be the moment you return or many years from now. But she will kill you. You get to spend some unknown amount of time with the woman you love, and that’s the price you pay.”
Karkov paused. “I will tell you one thing. You won’t see it coming. You know Rin a little, but I know her much better. You may imagine there will be signs or that you somehow will be forewarned or clever enough to sense the danger. There won’t, and you won’t. She may not need it much these days, but Rin is a master of dissimulation. She was a queen, and a devastatingly effective one. More dangerous still, she is extremely changeable. There very well may be no subterfuge involved, no hidden plan on her part. She may truly love you this moment and kill you the next.”
Daryl considered this. “So you would have me abandon Rin? That sounds like exactly the sort of thing her enemy would suggest. Even if I believed you, it would be a hard way to live.”
Karkov appraised him quietly. “For a soldier who sought to assassinate me, you have an odd notion of conflict. Do you imagine it plays out in melodrama and manipulation? If I were Rin’s enemy, I simply would have killed her favorite.”
He chuckled and pointed at Daryl. “That’s you, lover boy.” Suddenly Karkov smiled, as if savoring a fond memory.
“I would have killed that favorite, slowly. Very slowly. In the old days, she’d find her favorite parts of him waiting in the boudoir at one of their appointed meeting times. Maybe his face, hands, and manhood. Or maybe just his manhood. Different lovers, different parts. These days that would seem gauche. I doubt she even has a boudoir. Instead, I’d probably send her a video with every confession, every scream.” He returned his attention to Daryl. “I’d add a laugh track, mind you, and some annotations. It would be a very long video.”
The two sat in silence, regarding one another as cigarette smoke slowly filled the room. After almost a minute, Karkov shrugged.
“You are welcome to believe and do as you will. I cannot tell you what is hard or not. It simply comes down to what you want and what you are willing to sacrifice to have it.”
Daryl had no doubt that Karkov was capable of such things and harbored no illusion that he was safe from them. Yet he remained completely unfazed. This surprised him more than than anything. He wondered whether Rin had hardened him to such things. Compared to hers, Karkov’s tactics seemed laughably tame. Nonetheless, Daryl remained acutely aware of his perilous situation. Whether or not she loved him, Rin clearly cared enough to refrain from wantonly murdering Daryl. No such thing could be said of Karkov.
In fact, there was every reason to suspect the opposite. Daryl sensed there was a line he must not cross but had no idea where it lay. If only he knew what Karkov really wanted, he could better navigate its contours. As it was, he had to feel his way in the dark. Too much agreement would be suspect, but anything smacking of disdain could prompt his captor to follow through on those threats.
“And the second choice?” Daryl hoped his voice conveyed just the right degree of uncertainty.
“You never see Rin again,” Karkov replied matter-of-factly. “I will see to it that you are safely returned to America, and you’ll start a new life there under an assumed identity.”
Now Daryl really was uncertain. What was Karkov playing at?
“I don’t see why you would do all that for me.”
“I won’t deny that I prefer this choice, though not for the reason you imagine,” Karkov admitted with a sigh. “You may not believe it, but I want Rin to be happy. Unfortunately, you …” He ashed out his cigarette. “… do not figure in this happiness.”
“That’s not for you to decide.”
Karkov smiled. “Actually, it is. Your ingratitude is beginning to arouse my directorial ambitions.”
He smiled wistfully for a moment before looking at Daryl. “But no, I gave you the choice and with you it will remain. I am not that type of host, even if the guest is unexpected and unwanted. Besides,” he added with a benevolent air, “I bear some responsibility for this predicament.” Despite Daryl’s obvious confusion, Karkov did not elaborate.
Daryl considered the proposal for some time before replying. “It’s a moot point. Even if you somehow convinced me to do what you want, Rin just would hunt me down and kill me anyway. I’d rather she did so with respect than contempt.”
Karkov gave a derisive snort. “That’s what this is about? Earning Rin’s respect? I’ll let you in on a little secret, boy. Some things cannot be obtained and would be of dubious worth if they could.”
“If they cannot be obtained, how would you know their worth?”
Karkov clearly was amused by this pedantry, though he did not address it. Instead, he just shook his head. “If you disappear, she won’t kill you. This is where you must accept that I know Rin better than you. Think of her as an unintrusive ex. She may keep tabs on you from time to time, but you’ll never know it. Remember, you won’t recognize her.”
“That makes her all the more dangerous.”
“Spoken like a true coward. I feel no fear, and she wants to do worse than kill me.”
Daryl turned red and replied through gritted teeth. “If I start a family, it is not cowardice to worry that some woman will appear at the door and kill them.”
“Well, I’m glad to see such words sting. There may be hope yet. You’ll have to be careful for the first few years. But she won’t harm you. Nor will she secretly inject herself into your life as someone else. That’s not how she works and certainly isn’t what she wants. A queen does not stoop to mooning over a man. As to whether she will be angry, you can set your mind at ease. She will not. But it’s good that you are taking me seriously.”
It was half a minute before Daryl looked up, now with defiance in his eyes. “So, what if she does plan to kill me? That’s nothing new. I’ve planned to kill her the entire time I’ve known her.”
“Yes, but that’s different,” Karkov quietly observed. “You cannot kill her. And I mean that. You cannot kill her. I’ve told you this before, though you clearly did not listen. So I’ll say it again. Rin cannot be destroyed. Not by you, not by me, not by anything in this universe. Not even by her.”
When Daryl said nothing, Karkov’s tone softened. “I don’t know whether she troubled to mention this itsy bitsy little detail before you signed up. She didn’t, did she?”
Taking Daryl’s silence for confirmation, he grinned mischievously. “Does it bother you that you were tricked into being her personal servant this whole time? Years and years of your life spent fighting her battles, doing whatever she asked? I’ll bet that really pisses you off.”
“She told me,” Daryl grumbled. “Though I doubt it is true. I don’t believe you either. And even if it is true — so what if Rin deceived me? After what you put her through, who could blame her for being untrusting.”
“That’s one word for it,” Karkov laughed. He gave Daryl a sympathetic glance. “It does put a tiny crimp in your life’s goal, though, doesn’t it?”
Daryl shook his head. “It changes nothing. I swore to try, not to succeed. I’m not afraid to die trying.”
“On the contrary, I think it changes everything. A man may pursue something that is difficult to attain, perhaps even telling himself that the journey is what matters. But he always harbors some hope of success. If he truly recognizes it as futile, the endeavor cannot feed his elusive and illusory sense of worth. Not even the most incorrigible gambler will bet when there is no chance of winning. It is pointless.”
“Perhaps it’s the pointless which is most worthy of pursuit,” Daryl retorted. “But I don’t believe there is no chance of winning.”
“I think you do. You haven’t even been trying. When have you actually attempted to destroy Rin? You never mentioned it to me, and I expect you would have. You didn’t even ask me the obvious questions toward that end. You thought me her worst enemy. Wouldn’t enlisting her worst enemy’s help be the obvious thing to do? Instead, here you are, dutifully trying to attack me on her behalf. As far as I can tell, the only people you really seek to destroy are those she tells you to. Those who have helped you, like me and Sree.”
Daryl cringed at the accusation but tried not to let it show. “I am not ready to try. When I am ready, I will.”
“You certainly are taking your sweet time,” Karkov laughed. “Rin is immortal. You are not.”