[Author’s Note: We've returned to Daryl, right after the events of episode 75.]
“I should have let them grill you,” Karkov quipped before sitting. “I’ll bet you would have spun yourself as an asset against me.”
The shock on Daryl’s face made him laugh.
“I don’t blame you. I would have been disappointed if you didn’t. But here I am, alive and well.” He gestured at his own body and then at Daryl. “I trust you weren’t mistreated?”
“I’m a prisoner.”
Karkov glanced at his watch. “Well, at least six hours of that are your fault. I had them put this here.” He pointed at the tape recorder and shook his head in disappointment. “You weren’t even curious enough to hit play.”
Daryl seemed confused.
Karkov examined the metal cup of tea which the attending officer had provided. With an air of distaste he tossed its contents on the floor, smiling at the surprise on Daryl’s face.
He produced a small flask and offered Daryl some, but the man just shook his head.
“Suit yourself.” Karkov poured some for himself, took a small swig, and looked at Daryl.
“You know, I went to a lot of trouble to get that tape.”
“I assumed it was for the interrogator.”
“And that assumption cost you …” Karkov glanced at his watch again. “Six hours and seven minutes of freedom. You’re too jaded for someone so young.”
Daryl leaned over and hit play. The button popped right back up.
“You have to rewind it first.”
The tape recorder took forever to rewind, and Karkov idly wondered whether Rin knew of a protection which could trap somebody this way. Eternity waiting for a truth which never came. Well, at least for Daryl it would.
Finally the rewind button clicked up, and Daryl once again pressed play. Some static and low voices could be heard. Karkov reached across with a wry look and turned up the volume.
“Not much with the technology, Darrouil?”
Then Karkov pressed stop. He had to do this right. The boy deserved that much.
“Last time, I said you have a choice. I lied.” Seeing the dismay and anger on Daryl’s face, he elaborated. “Don’t worry, you still have that choice. But you have another first. Do you wish to listen to this tape?”
“What’s on it?”
“Something you do not want to hear.” Karkov took another sip from the cup before gesturing at Daryl. “Or maybe you do. Who knows? But once you hear it, you won’t be able to pretend to yourself anymore. Your first choice is that you may decide not to hear it.”
“And you’ll just let me go?” Daryl eyed him skeptically.
“Well, you still have to make the second choice. But yes. Today, I really will let you go.” Before Daryl could ask the obvious, he added, “alive and unharmed.”
Daryl took his time, and this pleased Karkov. Such a decision needed to be made carefully. Though the outcome was inevitable, the boy must feel he had a choice.
“Go ahead,” Daryl finally declared.
Karkov gave a wan smile. “I’m not your servant.”
Daryl looked at him, as if really seeing the man for the first time. “I’m sorry, it’s all a bit much. Thank you for the trouble you went to.”
This sounded uncharacteristically polite from somebody who had positioned himself as an adversary in every conversation so far, but Karkov let it slide. It didn’t matter whether the boy was pretending to be agreeable. Nothing on Karkov’s part would change, though he did appreciate the show of gratitude.
He was about to have another sip from the cup but instead tossed it on the floor and took a swig directly from the flask.
“Very good. I’m glad you chose to hear it. I would have been disappointed if you said no.”
Daryl was about to say something, but Karkov hushed him and pressed play. As the tape progressed, he thought back to the corresponding portions of the conversation. Parts were of a private nature, and it had been necessary to edit the recording appropriately. But Karkov felt the abridged version still captured Rin’s meaning. It was not a deception, and he did not care if it was. This had been done for Daryl’s benefit, and the boy had no cause for complaint.
The whole recording only was three minutes long. When it finished, Karkov reached over and pressed stop. Daryl had said nothing throughout and now appeared to be deep in thought.
“You still have a choice to make. So, what will it be?” Karkov asked after a minute of silence, during which he carefully studied Daryl’s face.
Another minute of silence, and he began to grow impatient. Was the boy that big an idiot?
“How do I know this is real?” Daryl asked at last.
Karkov shrugged. “As I said, believe what you like and do as you please. I have done as much as I can.”
Daryl still seemed hesitant, so Karkov offered a piece of advice. “Sometimes, it’s important to distinguish between not knowing what you must do and not wanting to know it.”
The conflict was evident on Daryl’s face, and Karkov almost could trace the pattern of his thoughts. No wonder Rin liked him so much. She probably never had encountered somebody so unintentionally forthright. He was an honest soul. Karkov remembered that he too had been, once. Before a certain someone’s death changed everything.
“This proves nothing. I don’t care what she said. You yourself said she is changeable. Even if she meant it, I won’t abandon her.”
Daryl’s words did not appear intended for anyone but himself, a rhetorical argument desperately striving for the end he desired. Well, it was his choice. The right to choose poorly was what had been given him. But that didn’t mean Karkov couldn’t help.
“Her or your mission?” he asked with a wry grin.
“There is no difference.”
“How like a soldier, and how callous to call the woman you love your ‘mission.’ Or is that a euphemism? Should her hubbie be jealous?”
Daryl grimaced but did not take the bait. “I knew she wanted to kill me.”
“No, you thought you knew it — but you did not actually believe it.” He put the cup down and looked at Daryl. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Everyone knows bad things happen to others, but nobody believes those things will happen to them. Self-deception is the only way for a mortal to endure life without constantly quailing in terror.”
Karkov produced a cigarette and lit it. He hardly ever smoked, but somehow these chats with Daryl evoked the desire. It created the right atmosphere. He was pretty sure Rin would mock him mercilessly for something like that. After a deep draw, he continued.
“Now you can’t pretend. Now you know and believe.”
“I told you before, it doesn’t matter,” Daryl replied with some heat. “And it doesn’t matter if she can’t be killed. I am not afraid of dying.”
Karkov smiled. “You wouldn’t be here if you were. But I do not think you want to die. You may prefer being killed by the woman you love to any other death, but you’d prefer to live on with her even more. Would you kill her if you could? I wonder.”
A short lull followed, with both men lost in thought. Karkov finally reached a decision and broke the silence.
“I will say something more, something I perhaps should have mentioned before. When we first met, you asked me about Rin. I told you she was like the rest of us, though better protected. I lied.”